Wisdom Books Song of Songs

Sex In Marriage

Discover Jesus as: Bridegroom Song of Songs 4-5 Read on Bible Gateway (HCSB)

Day 485 of 730
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INTRO

Song of Songs documents the process of falling in love—the courting, engagement, wedding, and marriage. It includes the place of sex within the marriage. The language of Song of Songs is specific, especially the language in today’s passage. We continue to look at Solomon and the Shulammite woman, along with the daughters of Jerusalem, God’s blessing, and the brothers of the Shulammite woman. Yesterday, we looked at the courtship—the anticipation period of falling in love and leaving parents. Today, we move to the wedding and the consummation of the marriage. God designed the sexual relationship for marriage.

TEACHING

Song of Songs 4:1-4: Solomon described the beauty of the woman—her eyes, her hair, her teeth, her lips, her mouth, the brow of her head, and her neck (vv. 1–4). Some of this seems strange to us, but Wiersbe explains, “Ancient peoples didn’t quite understand dental hygiene [so] this is an admirable trait. Healthy teeth would also affect her breath.”1 In verse 4, Solomon described the beauty of her neck as “a queenly neck and a posture with it that exuded control, power, and stability.”2 These were all words of affirmation.

Song of Solomon 4:5–7: Solomon described her breasts as two fawns, and named them as the “mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense” (v. 6). Solomon sees her as perfect—“with no imperfection” (v. 7b). This foreshadows Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom, who will return for His pure and spotless bride. Verse 7 is really a prophetic picture of what God wants for the body of Christ—perfection (2 Corinthians 11:2). We are spotless in Christ’s eyes. Constable explains, “Perhaps she was not really as perfect as Solomon claimed her. ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.’ She was perfect to him.”3

Song of Songs 4:8–10: Marriage is first mentioned in verse 8—“my bride.” This begins the transition between courtship to marriage and consummation. Solomon was clear they had restrained from having sex during their courtship and were waiting for the wedding before consummation. Solomon told the woman it was time to leave everything in her life so she could come be with him completely. The woman had captured his heart at first glance and her love was delightful (vv. 9–10). Nothing compared to his love for her. “Honey and milk” describe the blessing of God (v. 11).

Song of Songs 4:12–15: The tone changes in verse 12 and becomes extremely intimate. Solomon pointed out he and the woman had not yet had sex, and she was still a virgin (“you are a locked garden”). The bride had stayed pure. Verses 13–14 describe her passionately. She was a locked garden and a sealed spring.

Song of Songs 4:16: The Shulammite woman responded and began to describe what she wanted him to do in verse 16. She was open to him—no longer locked and kept away.

Although not all studies agree, one study found the average age in which a male loses his virginity is 16.9, and the average age for a female is 17.2.4 And an astounding number of women (some studies suggest as much as 74 percent) have premarital sex.5 The National Center for Health Statistics found 59 percent of women between the ages of 20 and 59 have

had at least four different sexual partners, and men have had an average of seven.6 That’s a lot. I think it’s because we don’t teach a healthy model of what God intended for sexual relationships within marriage between two people who have committed themselves to each other in marriage—for passion and for procreation. When we don’t wait, or when we have sex outside of marriage, we face consequences God did not intend—STDs, unplanned pregnancies, possible physical abuse, emotional damage, and lower self-esteem for females. Physical, emotional, and relational issues can abound.

4 “American Virgin: First-Time Sex Trends of U.S. Males and Females,” cited by Vera Papisova in “Find Out When Most Teens Are Losing Their Virginity,” Teen Vogue, September 30, 2015; available at https://www.teenvogue.com/story/teens-losing-virginity-age

CLOSING

Why wait for sex within marriage? Why wait for the Shulammite garden that has been designed perfectly for you? First, wait because you deserve love—a heart connection. Second, wait because not everybody is doing it. Third, wait because it’s not safe.

A man is to leave his father and mother to bond with one person (Genesis 2:24). We are designed to become one—in marriage and in sex (Matthew 19:5–6; Ephesians 5:31–32). This is also the picture of Christ and His church. The picture of the Shulammite garden takes us back to the Garden of Eden, where God planned for us to be with Him in the way He had designed.

  1. Warren W. Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentary: Old Testament (Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2004), p. 546.

  2. Wiersbe, p. 546.

  3. Thomas L. Constable, Dr. Constable’s Bible Study Expository Notes: Song of Solomon, p. 37; available at https://planobiblechapel.org/tcon/notes/pdf/song.pdf.

  4. Guttmacher Institute, “Teenage Sexual and Reproductive Behavior in Developed Countries,” November 2001, p. 9; available at http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?- doi=10.1.1.295.3589&rep=rep1&type=pdf.

  5. National Center for Health Statistics”; cited in “New survey tells how much sex we’re having,” NBCNews.com; available at http://www.nbcnews.com/id/19374216/ns/health-sexu- al_health/t/new-survey-tells-how-much-sex-were-having/#.XLCU16YpBPM.

Questions

  1. Viewing the bride as representing the Church, how would you explain Song of Songs 4:7? (Ephesians 5:25–27)
  2. The bridegroom speaks to His bride in Song of Songs 4:10 and describes the fragrance of her perfume (or oils) as better than all spices. What might that be a reference to (Exodus 30:34–36; Psalm 141:2a; Revelation 5:8; 8:3–4)? What does that reveal about how the Lord views our prayers?
  3. How might Song of Songs 5:2 be better understood by reading Revelation 3:20?
  4. What similarities do you see between Song of Songs 5:2–6 and Matthew 25:5–13?
  5. Read the description of the bridegroom in Song of Songs 5:16 and think of it as describing Jesus. Do you ever experience this kind of response in regard to Him? How do you express it? What if the Lord wants you to express your love for Him by expressing it to His body (the Church)? Would that change how you treat your brothers and sisters in Christ?
  6. What did the Holy Spirit highlight to you in Song of Songs 4–5 through the reading or the teaching?

Next: the Daily Word →

Daily Word

Laura Martin Song of Songs 4:16

“Awaken, north wind—come, south wind. Blow on my garden, and spread the fragrance of its spices. Let my love come to his garden and eat its choicest fruits.”

The Lord designed marriage for one man and one woman. He designed sexual intercourse for one man and one woman in a marriage covenant, joining together as one flesh. This covenant is not meant to be bro- ken—not before marriage and not with multiple partners. After great anticipation and waiting, Solomon and his wife enjoyed one another on their wedding night. It was worth the wait as they fully relished and celebrated the love and connection between each other, just as the Lord designed it.

God’s original design and intent was for purity and wholeness. Anything apart from His original plan may have spiritual and phys- ical consequences. Walk and rely on strength from the Spirit of God to resist any temptation for sex and other impure actions outside the marriage covenant. Beauty comes as you wait, resist temptation, and rely on the Lord for strength. God will be with you in the waiting. And then, when the time arrives for a husband and wife to “enter the garden” together as the Lord designed it, He will bless and honor your decision and commitment to one another. Intimate love is worth the wait .

“Awaken, north wind—come, south wind. Blow on my garden, and spread the fragrance of its spices. Let my love come to his garden and eat its choicest fruits.”

— Song of Songs 4:16

FURTHER SCRIPTURE

  • Matthew 19:5-6— “And He also said: ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.”
  • 1 Corinthians 7:2— “But because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.”
  • Hebrews 13:4— “Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge immoral people and adulterers.”