Children And Parents

INTRO

This is the last chapter in Ephesians, and it’s kind of a biggie—talking about spiritual war and the armor of God. In Ephesians 6:10–20, Paul encourages the Ephesians to prepare themselves daily for spiritual warfare. The Ephesians were fighting an enemy they could not see. We are fighting an enemy we cannot see. As we fight this spiritual war, we are to take up the armor of God and constantly be in prayer. I thought this is where I would spend our entire teaching time today, but as I studied the Word, I never made it past verse four. As I read through these verses on children, I realized they are not just for children but for parents too. We are going to start with the children’s side and look at the four reasons children should obey their parents. Then we will look at the parents’ side. In these first four verses, God convicted me about the type of parent I need to be.

TEACHING

Ephesians 6:1: According to Paul, he was writing to “children” who were Christian. They knew the Lord. He had a starting point with these kids. By no means am I a perfect parent or my kids perfect children. When I talk through this, I am attempting to walk through Scripture and show you how Paul’s writings have helped me.

Children should obey their parents in everything because it pleases the Lord (Colossians 3:20). Obeying parents is an action that reflects who that child is in the Lord. MacArthur wrote, “The child in the home is to be willing to be under the authority of parents with obedient submission to them as agents of the Lord over him, obeying parents as if obeying the Lord Himself.”¹ Parents are in charge of children because that is the way God designed it. They are to submit to one another. When you have wives who submit to husbands, husbands who love their wives, and children who submit to parents, you see harmony in the house.²

Another reason children should obey their parents is because obedience is right.³ Wiersbe wrote, “There is an order of nature, ordained of God, that argues for the rightness of an action. Since the parents brought the child into the world, and since they have more knowledge and wisdom than the child, it is right that a child obey his parents.”⁴ In today’s culture we are told parents should obey their children in order to make them happy. That is contrary to the way God wants it to be.

Ephesians 6:2: Obedience is a commandment. Wiersbe wrote, “The righteousness of the law is still a revelation of the holiness of God, and the Holy Spirit enables us to practice that righteousness in our daily lives (Romans 8:1–4).”⁵ We are able to walk out the act of honoring our parents because of the Holy Spirit. Wiersbe wrote, “All of the 10 commandments are repeated in the New Testament epistles for Christians to observe except ‘Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.’”⁶ What comes to your mind when you hear the word honor? Honor means more than simply to obey. It is to show respect and love, to care for, and to seek to bring honor.⁷ There is this tension, as a parent walking in the Spirit, of wanting your kids to listen but they don’t always do that, because they are living in the world.

Ephesians 6:3: Obedience brings blessing.⁸ Read this verse again. If your child dies early, does it mean they were disobedient? No. I want you to understand this is not always the case. If your children do honor you and are obedient, they will escape a good deal of sin and danger and avoid things that could shorten their lives.⁹ The further away a parent is from the way of the Lord, the more disobedient their kids will be.

Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers” was from a Greek word that referred to mothers and fathers. This is for both parents. MacArthur wrote that, “In the pagan world of Paul’s day, and even in Jewish households, most fathers ruled their families with ridged and domineering authority. The desires and welfare of wives and kids were seldom considered.”¹⁰

Parents must not provoke their kids.¹¹ Wiersbe wrote, “Paul told the parents, ‘Don’t use your authority to abuse the child.’”¹² The opposite of provoke is encourage. It is important to praise your kids. Wiersbe wrote, “By being inconsistent and unfair in discipling, and by showing favoritism in the home, by making promises and not keeping them, and making light of problems that, to the children, are very important [you are provoking your kids].”¹³

Parents must nurture their kids.¹⁴ The word nurture used here is the same word used in Ephesians 5:29, which also means to nourish. A parent needs to meet more than just a child’s physical needs (food, shelter, clothing). They must also provide both emotionally and spiritually, with love and encouragement. This is not to say that there is not a time for discipline, but we can’t be so legalistic with our kids that we fail to be nurturing. I don’t want my kids to fail, so sometimes I forget the nurturing part of parenting and focus on the task at hand. That is provoking my kids. I have to challenge myself to teach by example, to teach a more balanced way of life. A good example of this teaching is found in Luke 2:52—Jesus’ parents taught and nurtured Him.

Parents must discipline their kids.¹⁵ Wiersbe wrote, “The word ‘nurture’ carries with it the idea of learning through discipling. . . consistent, loving discipline gives assurance to a child.”¹⁶ Don’t be afraid to discipline your children.

Parents must instruct and encourage their kids.¹⁷ All of that has to be based on the Word of God.

CLOSING

When I read these verses, I see Paul saying, “Children need to please the Lord by honoring and obeying their parents, this is what is right. Parents need to look at themselves to make sure they are imitating God.” Obviously, the Ephesians were struggling with this. The enemy was and is attacking the family life, breaking up families. Any area that your conscience isn’t settled, let the Holy Spirit begin to move. Even in Scripture we see parents neglecting their children: David pampered Absalom, Eli failed to discipline his sons, and they brought disgrace to the nations, and Isaac pampered Esau while his wife favored Jacob, which led to a divided house. We have lost focus on our families. We need parents to step up in their relationships with Christ and their children. Kids need their parents. We need to reflect Christ in our parenting.